How to shake off negative feedback (while possibly learning from it, even if you don’t want to)

Plus a short playlist, multiple references to chocolate, and a photo from a small-town diner with fantastic coffee

Hello and welcome to Academia Made Easier. I am so glad that you are here. 

Despite the many lovely comments I received in my student evaluations for my second-year Canadian politics class, a less-lovely comment sticks in my craw. “Her teaching is okay but she doesn’t talk much to us before class. I guess she isn’t paid to be friendly.”

Fun fact: I received that evaluation comment in 1997.

Humans have an amazing ability to ruminate on negative personal feedback while ignoring praise. A journal article acceptance is tainted by a small but stinging comment from Reviewer B. An annual review with an overall glowing assessment is tarnished by a single “constructive suggestion” from a department chair. A standing ovation from an entire stadium audience is washed away by a random parking lot yahoo yelling “you suck”. 

(Note: that last example is not a common problem in academia.)

Academic work has ample opportunities for negative feedback. Some are scheduled and expected (course evaluations, performance reviews). Some are unscheduled and expected (journal article reviews, grant application results, Twitter-related bullshit). Some are unscheduled and unexpected (harsh blindside comments from a colleague or student). 

None of it is fun to receive. And the more you put yourself out there to make the contribution you wish to make—the more articles you submit, grants you apply for, committees you join—the greater the number of opportunities for people to not like everything about your work, or about how you do your work, or about you.

The work you do and the contribution you wish to make are important, so you need a plan for how to deal with the inevitable negative feedback. And this is what today’s small thing to try immediately is about.

Image: photo taken at a small-town diner in southern Saskatchewan. The coffee was awesome.

One Small Thing to Try Immediately: The Emote-Think-Act Plan

In my experience, there are three parts to dealing with negative feedback: processing your emotions, assessing the feedback, and selecting your course of action.

1. Emote. Negative feedback hurts because it feels—and, at times, is—personal. You feel sad, scared, ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed, angry. These intense emotions can freeze your ability to think about the actual feedback, and the more you try to stuff your emotions down, the worse it feels.

So go the other direction. Lean into your emotional response. Wallow. Bitch about Reviewer 2 on Twitter. Rant about that student evaluation to your colleagues. Cry and eat chocolate.

In addition to all of this (particularly the chocolate-eating), I recommend a trick I invented: Taylor Swift therapy. It is simple: just sing along loudly to the three following Taylor Swift songs, in the exact order presented below. (I am not joking. And you need to sing these LOUDLY. Preferably in a car):

• Mean. Imagine singing this song directly in the other person’s face. If the person is anonymous, just imagine someone with a very punchable face. Lyrics to belt out: “All you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean, and mean, and mean, and mean.”

• We are never ever getting back together. Enjoy the idea of never speaking to the person, submitting work to this journal, or teaching that course, ever again. (Never ever, ever.) Lyrics to focus on: “We are never ever, ever getting back together.” Obviously. 

• Shake it off. As you sing this one, remember that you, like Taylor herself, never miss a beat and are lightning on your feet. Seriously: You. Kick. Ass. Lyrics to sing loud enough for people in the next time zone to hear: “But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving, it's like I got this music in my mind, saying it's gonna be alright.”

If one cycle through these three songs doesn’t do it, repeat the cycle. Again. And again. Keep going until the mom in the minivan parked beside you outside the pool looks concerned for your wellbeing.

It is possible I share too much in this newsletter. 

2. Think. Once you have processed the emotions—and only after you have done so—you are ready to reflect on the negative feedback itself. To do so, Jon Acuff’s three questions for challenging self-criticism and overthinking are helpful.

Question 1: Is it true? Sometimes the negative feedback we receive is false, or simply the other person’s opinion. While this is obvious, we don’t always see this when we first receive the feedback. So ask yourself objectively: is it true? (If you can’t be objective, ask a few people whom you trust to help assess it.)

In the case of the student evaluation comment I noted earlier, “she doesn’t talk much to us before class”, yes, it was true. I am an introvert, I was a brand-new sessional instructor teaching new material to students almost the same age as me, and I was terrified. I showed up to class every day and considered myself a success when I didn’t vomit. Chatting was not on my mind at all.

Question 2: Is it helpful? Some negative feedback is constructive and/or informative (even if we don’t like the course of action it suggests). Acuff’s second question asks us to mine the negative feedback to search for the parts that have some value for us.

What was the helpful part of my negative student comment? Well, it taught me that students don’t just seek content instruction in their classes; they also want to feel a connection of some sort to their instructor. This insight has been very helpful to my teaching career.

Question 3: Is it kind? What I love about this question is that it explicitly values empathy and basic human decency. Negative feedback that displays hostility or cruelty is unprofessional and inappropriate.

Let’s loop back to my negative student comment: “Her teaching is okay but she doesn’t talk much to us before class. I guess she isn’t paid to be friendly.” Was this kind? Hell, no! It implied that I was only teaching for my (low) sessional instructor salary. It was possibly gendered (perhaps I should have smiled more?). As a contingent instructor’s teaching evaluations matter to their future employment, it was a really shitty comment.

3. Act. Once you have both processed your emotional response and thought critically about the negative feedback, you face a decision: What actions will you take moving forward? Here are four possible actions to consider.

Option A: Do nothing. Just because someone says something negative doesn’t require you to change a thing. If you need to explain your choice to do nothing, do so factually and simply (E.g., “Dear editors, while I appreciated Reviewer B’s thoughtful suggestion to build in literature about the history of the printing press, upon reflection I have decided it is not directly relevant to my paper about the impacts of wild boars on agriculture.”)

Option B: Make changes to address the negative feedback. If the feedback is true and helpful, you can decide to take action to use it. In my case, I decided to make an effort to interact with students before classes, even if I felt shy and nervous. 

Option C: Lean into the negative feedback. If the negative feedback reflects a difference of values or opinion, and if you feel the power and agency to do so, you may wish to take the criticism as motivation to push forward in a particular direction. As Austin Kleon writes,

You can’t control what sort of criticism you receive, but you can control how you react to it. Sometimes when people hate your work, it’s fun to push that element even further. To make something they’d hate even more. Having your work hated by certain people is a badge of honor.

History is full of scholars, activists, artists, and citizens who advanced their ideas and work despite criticism. It is how change happens.

Option D: Report the negative feedback. Some feedback goes beyond “unkind” to abusive, discriminatory, bullying, and/or harassing. Such feedback is unacceptable and merits discussion with whoever is the appropriate authority, be it a department chair, dean, editor, or supervisor. I appreciate taking such action is easier said than done, particularly for early career and/or underrepresented individuals. Having a trusted colleague for support is a big asset here. 

The good news is that negative feedback, in general, gets (somewhat) easier to take over time. To be sure, it always sucks. But, in my experience, the sting becomes lighter and passes sooner, and the comments become fodder for fun war stories among colleagues. Eventually.

How do you handle negative feedback? Please take a minute to comment and let me know!

Chipping Away: What I Have Been Up To

A quick update on some of my own activities since my last newsletter, since I have your attention:

• Reading: My current read is No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness by Michelle Segar. Dr. Segar’s arguments about motivation for fitness resonate with me about other aspects of life, including writing. I can see myself referring to her work in a future Academia Made Easier newsletter. (Affiliate links: Amazon, Chapters-Indigo. Better still, check out your local booksellers or public library.)

• Teaching: I am really enjoying teaching my Master of Public Administration (MPA) class on Ethical Leadership and Democracy in Public Service. The students are great and the content seems so incredibly relevant right now. 

• Relaxing: My family has started playing a new card game, Five Crowns. It reminds me of a number of other card games (poker, rummy, 7 up/7 down) and is a new family favourite. I have yet to win a game. Next time, I am sure! (Affiliate links: Amazon, Chapters-Indigo. Better still, check out your local games store.)

Until next time…

All this discussion of negative feedback needs a counterbalance, so I want to give a shout-out to all of you who are working to be a positive voice in academic work. To those of you who are constructive in your peer reviews, who take the time to thank academic staff members for their hard work, who make an effort to support early career, less represented, and less empowered people working in academia, thank you. Your efforts to advance kindness matter.

Stay well, my colleagues. 

P.S. You read to the bottom! You are awesome. Thank you for letting me be part of your day and your email inbox.

Want to help support my chocolate habit? You are very sweet. Buy me a coffee is a site that allows readers to show their appreciation for the unpaid labour of writers, artists, and other creatives. Check it out!

Interested in having me lead faculty success and/or graduate student success workshops at your campus? Please ask your university to contact me!

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Loleen Berdahl, Ph.D.: I am a twin mother, wife, runner, cat lover, and chocolate enthusiast. I spend far too much time on Twitter and binge-watching television, and my house could be a lot cleaner. During the work hours, I am the Executive Director of the Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy. I am the author of the University Affairs Skills Agenda column and my most recent books are Work Your Career: Get What You Want from Your Social Sciences or Humanities PhD and Explorations: Conducting Empirical Research in Canadian Political Science. 

Full disclosure: some of the links in this newsletter are affiliate links, which means that if you use the link and then make a purchase, I may make a small commission that I will use to support my chocolate and book-buying habits. The cost is to the corporation and not to you, but you don’t want to use the link, no problem: just search up the item again without using the link provided. Better still: support a local business and source the item(s) that way!